A Personal Note

I hear a voice.

 

A voice I’ve always heard.

 

A voice I’ve come to know as an altar to the truth of me.

 

On reflection, from a very early age this voice has become a moral compass, a lamp along the path, a synchronistic director of life and its offerings. Likened to gnosis, yet expansive and more embodied than instinct and intuition, listening to this inner voice has been a trusted guide for infinite expressions and a vast tapestry of personal choices throughout my life. It was only on reaching adulthood I came upon the deep knowing and understanding of this voice as the Holy Spirit, whom I've come to know as the Holy Divine Feminine. Also known to me as my higher intelligence, my inner knowing, a remembering of my divine destiny - who I am, She is...the feminine face of Christ.

 

This voice, attuned with my holy self’s intuition, initially revealed itself loudly during a self-inquiry exercise whilst attending A Course in Miracles workshop in the UK in 2010.  The end result of asking the question – “Holy Spirit , what would you have me know?”, it came as an answered prayer and I was gifted a revelation. Read the revelation here.

 

A decade and more onward, actively following life's signs and synchronicities forever whispering their clues, the voice continued to arrive, both unexpectedly and also when called upon. However, there was a particular time it came as a deeper embodiment of a presence wanting my attention. This time it came with more conviction. It was more conversational, intimate, courageous. It spoke with ease of one who knows, one who has traversed the shadows and returned, inviting me fully into what I had been resisting . There was fierceness in its tenderness, a clarity in its gentleness, and a boldness that demanded honesty. 

 

This was the threshold  of  my initiation into the Sophia consciousness - a consciousness that does not shy away from the truths of power, shadow, and the sacred responsibility of embodiment.

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Sophia Speaks...she began,

 

“You are Sophia,”... Sophia. “You are Sophia.” Sophia!

 

Unveiling itself to me in the sleep induced dawning hours of an autumn day in April 2019, my body responded to these words somatically, immediately sitting upright, shaking and quivering uncontrollably. Cool air infusing my body, I knew this was no ordinary physical sensation. "What was happening?" An upwelling of emotion arose, tears streaming down my cheeks. I felt the truth in hearing these words, the name Sophia,  the warmth of presence coming with it. It was terrifying in its intimacy and yet in that moment it was a holy encounter carrying a sacred weight that made my heart quicken.

 

Sophia - my only recall being she is the Goddess of Wisdom and an emanation of Mother Earth, known as Gaia Sophia.

 

At this stage I’m in a state of disorientation and similtaneously fully awake, relieved knowing there wasn’t a real person in the room and intrigued by the permeable presence of one such deity. I felt a quiet safety, yet my senses were alive, attuned to the moment. Clearly, my being was the recipient of a sacred visit. A part of me had been waiting for this moment my whole life, hence, I felt a sense of familiarity cleverly disguised by trepidation.  I rested in this newfound state as she infused her vibration into my cellular being. I found a sense of ground within. I proceeded to move gently with my day but  little did I know what it would take to merge with the frequency of Sophia's consciousness. My whole life was about to take a detour and this was the doorway.

 

Deep breaths! 

 

This was not the first of many mystical and multi-dimensional experiences or altered states of mind and awakenings yet it somehow felt different. I got a sense there was no turning back from this. This time it had an awe of 'all in or not in'. Over time I learned the frequency of her presence. It was like a gentle infusion of peace - a slow drip of sovereignty. I now understand the divine order and timing of this more direct experience as a sacred ‘calling’ into holy purpose. There was a divine order and timing of Her arrival. No mistakes, only, clear instructions, there was nothing to do...not immediately anyway.

 

The second Sophia instalment came within weeks, offering me the companion name of Mia...

 

“You are Mia Sophia.”

 

She came this time whilst walking down the hallway of my childhood family home. Her voice holding a depth of clarity and authority. Once again feeling a little disoriented, I was still able to distinguish dream from reality. This was real. Whilst I wasn't feeling out of body I felt altered.  I managed to find my ground and a safe place to sit in anticipation to receive the next download of this summoning. Like before, I was cold and shivering. I knew this somatic cooling process as ‘vortexing’ - when the body is integrating new information into its system, a temperature change is imminent. Uncannily, this time I noticed I was able to be the witness and simultaneously be the one being witnessed. My emotions heightened, tears flowing, breath quickening, cheeks and teeth chattering, arms and legs tingling and burning from the inner heat being generated. I was in the cauldron and this was alchemy at its finest.

 

Grateful for my familiarity having experienced these types of imprints, She, Sophia, was certainly having her way with me, shaping me intimately. This was a frequency download that began the first of many iterations and initiations. These initiations came through meeting real-life personal thresholds. Always one for deep self-inquiry and contemplation my life seemed to be on a continuum of undoing, unlearning and many of the seeming unravellings came with what felt like scolding cauldrons of heat dissolving my identity. These would summon me deep into the descent and I would meet myself in the underworld  reviewing past lifetimes, or experiencing painful memories of my childhood. My little one asking for deep forgiveness and compassion. I had multiple experiences of what I initially termed blackouts or voids of nothingness, understanding now they were actually plasmic light body activations. These moments came as being completely devoid of any interference or noise from the external world. Embodied in a space of no time, I was able to feel a swirl of this plasmic light within. I likened this swirling to swimming around and around in a galaxy without the need to hold on – being completely held in space, untethered, gravitised. In the moments and days that followed I found I had yet again dissolved a seeming dis-functional piece of my identity. Whilst it wasn’t new territory for my undefended heart to move with this much deep spiritual unravelling it didn’t always look pretty. My ego fought to attempt to hold on to some of these outdated identities no longer serving me. Always questioning - "Did they ever?" Hmmm…well, they did until they didn’t. I’ve also come to understand it’s how the cycles of patterning and conditioning work for me. Just when I think I'm done and have released something it rears its ugly head to test me to see how serious I am. Will I fall back into deep patterning and conditioning and unconscious ways of being or can I be and do differently? The trials and tribulations of transformation. 

 

The layers…oh, the layers.

 

I was always curious and anxious, allowing her presence to permeate into my being. Flashes and downloads dropping in and out, birthing on the tides of their own mysterious currents. My intuition and psychic capacities heightened and over time the voice continued to instruct as follows:

 

You are a scribe.

 

The Holy Spirit is a woman.

 

You will channel the Feminine Christ.

 

Share your love and wisdom, and you will inspire people to awaken

to their Divinity.

 

Pause. Rest. Embrace your truth. Deepen your connection to

the Divine.

 

Continue your practices to embody your feminine essence.

 

Create. Create. Create.

 

Do not move until you are moved to move. Take inspired action.

 

You’ve got to get used to this much light.

 

It will be effortless.

 

Receiving Her  felt like I was being continually transported into unknown territory, yet at the same time I felt peaceful, calm, a sense of home. A deep knowing within the marrow of my bones I belong.

 

Interestingly, all of this  ironically was happening in the days and weeks before my father’s death. My father, who had named me, Angela Maria-Goretti Fitzgerald in Nov, 1963. Weirdly, like many children I wasn’t a big fan of my own name. ( I don’t think I could remember how to spell Goretti until I applied for my Drivers License at the age of 16 years – oh, the shame). Dad was dying  in 2019 - one generation expiring and the next inspiring (in-spirit), birthing something new within – the gifting of a new name, Mia Sophia - the irony. The universe really has a sense of humour although I wasn’t laughing at the time. I did however have an awareness of the liminal space available when the veil is drawing near for an end-of-life rite of passage. It showed me the frequency of just how intertwined death and re-birth are and how they sit as two points on the same luminous spectrum. Much like crying and laughter, joy and sorrow, life and death – the polarities – closer than we think. How privileged was I to be granted access to this rite of passage. Our final words to each other affronting,  hard, so hard, yet healing. It continues...

Deep bow father.

 

I digress...

 

I began reading and studying everything on Sophia and the feminine mysteries, moving deeper with the feminine arts and my own feminine practices. I’d been in communion with the deeper feminine wisdom stream for many years. Initially understanding it all conceptually then through curiosity really connecting and tracking my inner longings and yearnings, discovering and learning the long way, they had to be felt. Being a woman is being embodied and there is an art to communing with head, heart and womb allowing the knowledge to rise through the body, alive and felt. I found myself cursing my mother and my lineage for not conveying the importance and essence of recognition, care and initiation into my own feminine embodiment. Growing up catholic alluded to deep denial, shame and absence of any guidance toward inhabiting my early womanhood moving through puberty. Pretty much in those days we were all self taught. I'm not saying I'd never felt like a woman, I guess I was now tending to a whole new layer of being the embodiment of woman, learning through the fire of experience, after child-rearing, wifing, working to live, empty nesting, menopause, separation, loss, death of both parents etc. I was in a whole new phase of life turning 56. I was in a whole new season of grief.

 

I was determined to transform all the pain in my heart, my womb, my lineage into something more beautiful. I was the black sheep, the disruptor, the cycle breaker, born for this very thing - a quiet knowing and simultaneously a loud screaming in my memory that some patterns needed to shift and some cycles needed to end.  If my bones could speak they would demand to awaken the ancestral lineage through the alchemy of my embodied being. It was time. It was now.

 

During this unfolding, I wholeheartedly embraced the hearts, minds and souls of these women who had come before me - my dearest mother, my grandmothers, all my ancestors, the ancient scripts and wisdom of Mother Mary, Mary Magdalene, Isis, Quan Yin, Inanna, Saraswati and many of the archetypal representations of Her. Many deep contemplative moments of meditation offered new light on a deeper feminine approach to living. I was drawn to the archetype of the Priestess and joined an immersive program with Jumana Sophia’s - ‘Her Mystery School’. After 9 months moving through the study and practices I attended the final ceremony to celebrate the first year of my priestess ordination. We were calling in our loving support team from both outer and inner planes to celebrate and close the core curriculum. During the final meditation Thoth appeared. I had no idea who Thoth was. This was a complete surprise. Afterwards, I learned he was the Egyptian god of wisdom - associated with writing, knowledge, magic and the moon. It all made complete sense. Of course I would need the balance of femaleness and maleness to bring this frequency into form. It was months later when it all began to sink in that Sophia as Holy Mother, the Goddess of wisdom and Thoth, the so called God of wisdom were the vibrationary representations holding my own inner feminine and masculine energies both metaphorically and mythologically for their coming emergence.

 

Deep curiosity kept me occupied and intrigued and before too long I fell into a devotional commitment to this calling. The gifts of these feminine aspects of the Christ consciousness/creator consciousness/Sophia consciousness were beckoning me into deeper presence, stirring me toward understanding the true essence of Her. I sought the support of trusted teachers and was discerningly guided by a mentor to not get caught in the egoic idea of thinking I was some reincarnation of a religious deity – a trap many spiritual seekers/leaders fall into often leading to catastrophic endings. I’d witnessed these traps and entanglements and false shadowy personas and was fully discerning and constantly aware, watching myself like a hawk and continually being reminded that as a collective, we all hold the Sophia frequency. This was the very message I wanted to impart. Sophia's  very nature is nature itself. The divine Mother/Father of heaven on earth. All the while knowing, I'm not special - I was simply the holy vessel available to receive the call and respond accordingly.

 

Mia Sophia as a representation of Her consciousness became an altar to truth of me, a sacred container, a shepherdess, protectress, a space for me to take refuge, a meeting place to share and hold the many initiations and invitations into the inner terrain of deep feminine principles and presence within the essence of my being.

 

An ongoing teacher and student of awakening, this latest revelationary period of my life had continued to call me over and over to journey with sacred rage as a woman incarnate, childhood wounding, deep shadow work, past life regressions, forgiveness and ongoing witnessing of my own patterns and conditioning – yes, there’s often more, until we learn and remember that We Are Love. It's the pathless path and this is the dream we are waking up from. However, until we remember, the load can seem heavy. I reminded myself to laugh and laugh again and not take it all too seriously. After all, we don't get out of this life alive so we may as well enjoy the magic carpet ride. All of this uncovering and discovering and recovering became the backdrop for a prolific period of writing (nearly a quarter of a million words – an anthology of poetry, prayers, prose, quotes, programs for clients and outlines for multiple books).

 

I seemed to be drawing from an infinite well of wisdom, energies, insights and encoded activations. It was this ease of accessing an immense flow of words/light that was catapulting my creativity. It was rage and rhythm, rap, rhyme and long hand prose and prayers magnetising me closer toward my true nature, giving me clarity and connection to the rich landscape of the capacities of my soul. I was truly seeing and knowing self and Self for the first time in my adult life.

 

“Write to Heal” she said.

 

She, Sophia continued to call me to the desk and write me into conversations I had to have. Conversations with myself and other. These were courageous conversations calling me home to myself. Repeatedly asking me to get out of my own way, allowing higher dimensions to access my human dimension, awakening and inspiring new paradigm possibilities to serve self and other. This was my dream within the dream I was waking up from. Forgetting, so I could remember the love I already am and remembering who I be and not what I do is for-most in feminine principles.

 

During the unveiling of many of these transmissions and writings one poem revealed itself as a written transcript of my lived experience. Aptly named by Mia Sophia, “Phoenix She Rises”, she birthed herself, albeit slowly over three years as a rhythmic narrative mirroring my own spiritual path, my heroine’s journey. The expanded teachings from Her Mystery School were showing me another way of being, a feminine approach, yet still embodied in the energies of both masculine and feminine, the inner queen and king and they were infusing their essence into my writing. This poem along with many others was writing me into an aligned approach to living as woman incarnate. It became a living prayer that on many occasions was a holy companion through some really tough times.

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The revealing of each verse became a road map of the Heroine’s

journey––a path so far removed from the masculinised Hero’s journey

that we as women have been hypnotised by. I understand and accept whilst sharing some common elements of the Hero, as women, our focus is more on our internal transformation. Our seeming protagonist embarks on an adventure with greater emphasis on themes of emotional healing and relational dynamics. Her search for strength, agency and wholeness is different. It’s an inward self-discovery, a descent into unlocking her power, her light and her creative force.

 

He is linear. She is spiral.

 

Each journey does not exist in opposition. They complement each other. However, the patriarchal systems under which society has been directed has caused an imbalance in the minds and bodies of women. Freeing myself from the burdens of this suffering has been integral to awakening to the truths that became the upwelling of  my own embodied wisdom. 

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I found a deep need to pause, a desire for spaciousness and slowness and more time to embrace my inner hermit. Getting quiet was accentuating this in-depth, contemplative period of my life and, I seriously began, with conviction, questioning the collective narrative around what it is to be WOMAN. The sacred threshold that is menopause was stirring the fire of remembrance. I was meeting my becoming. I felt on the precipice of major change and deeper realisations were occurring and moving within me. My awareness was fast outgrowing my tolerance of women being silenced, dismissed and discouraged from following our internal callings and leading from love, intuition and intelligence. I had felt dictated by a society asking me, directing me, disorienting me to distance myself from my own innate nature. My creative nature was calling for less structure and more flow and adaptability toward change and growth. I found my good girl was past her use-by date. (Thank God, I was nearly 60, Phew!) My psyche was rebelling against the false architecture of external authority. The dominant misogynism of our hearts, our wisdom and our intuitive intelligence, along with the diminishment of our rich intellectual capacity had reached its upper limit in every part of my being and I was finally having my "Fcuk that shit, it stops here moment!" 

 

Can you relate?

 

Upon personal reflection, throughout six decades of being female, two decades of coaching women and mothers, and gathering in circles with hundreds of women from all different creeds and cultures, I noticed there was a little bit of every woman in me and a little bit of me in every woman. I witnessed my choices and their origins - my tendencies to override my deeper knowing and not follow what felt more nourishing and self-loving. My proclivities of approval-seeking, people pleasing, self-doubt, fear, not trusting my intuition and my resistance to the shadow side of my seeming personality were keeping me weary, depleted and wandering, yet not lost. In truth, there were parts of me that were actually fucking exhausted. and simultaneously there were parts of me wanting to fly, my way, on my terms. It took me a little while because I'm a bit of a slow learner that I was now old enough to give myself permission to rise regardless of whether I had it all worked out, regardless of not being perfect . I didn't have to wait any longer. I couldn't wait any longer. It was time!

 

I continued what has been a lifelong practice of moving in the direction of being and doing what I love. I know I'm blessed to have that privilege but the road hasn't always been easy. It was often a tumultuous rollercoaster undoing, unlearning and untangling from the many beliefs, values, enmeshments and mental schisms no longer serving my maturation process. Asking, “Did they ever?” It was severe at times, embodying the somewhat terrifying feelings, anxieties and emotions that come with letting go, loss and grief, change, lies and trauma bonds and abusive injustice – much of which I had at times previously, both unconsciously and consciously bypassed mainly for self-preservation. My little girl had been hurting a long time. Her sensitivities, maybe lifetimes old were like burning wounds healing and this began the real 'parenting myself how I wished I’d been parented'  period of my life. This is a tender path to walk and it's not because my own parents didn't love me but I am now giving myself the presence, attunement and nourishment they did't always have the tools, the time or the capacity to offer. This is not blame - it's reclamation.

 

To me, it's love maturing.

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Oftentimes becoming all consuming, I felt hindered by the paralysis of over analysis and overwhelmed by the depth of rage I was sensing moving in and through my body. Sometimes, what felt like hitting rock bottom was only just skimming the surface. And, the grief, oh the grief. The grief of a life not fully lived, the grief of betraying myself in relationships, my creativity, my authentic nature. All this grief was awakening me to love because simultaneously, I could see light within my darkness. I was able to give it full expression, releasing the trauma from my cells through somatic movement and release practices (womb work, meditation, yoga, dance, swimming, stillness, deep contemplative work and journaling). I found my love for writing and poetry, the perfect balm for my emerging souls' journey and it was the prolific expression of this that skyrocketed me and my purpose to a whole new level.

 

This body of work was midwifing my midlifing, and I was growing up the parts of me that had been stuck in trauma and naivety. I was and am becoming the woman I am here to Be. I continued to stay with myself. To be curious. Innocent. Compassionate. To ask questions. To listen.

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"What else was Sophia asking of me?"

 

Thoughts of 'where was all of this leading ' kept me turning toward the direction of Truth. I felt compelled to continue to know more and to awaken to more of who I am, yet knowing I am enough, and knowing it could possibly be the Sagittarius  in me that loved the adventure of seeking.

 

Funny, not funny! Tiring actually. :):):) 

 

The continuation of contemplation, deep meditations, alone time, nature

adventures, fasting, prayer, dark room retreats (the perfect fertile void), a sweet balance of community engagement and living alone and discerningly hermitting myself from the chaos became the perfect chalice to hold this overflowing cup of words and wisdom. This seeming isolation, at times, was the very spaciousness needed to harvest the wisdom and  gather the ripening fruits of my labour – it literally felt like a birthing labour. However, these environments, imperative and penetrative, nourishing and nurturing, were the perfect balm for my soul and an integral part of the integration process – this was clearly my maturation process - my individuation.

 

A reawakening - not from the sensitivity and naïve innocence of

being hijacked by my emotions like many previous times, but an emerging of my inner-knowings sourced within the depths of the intelligence of my womb and undefended heart. Unravelling those core woundings of abandonment, rejection, betrayal and neglect are freakin' painful when you're in your attachment wound and in victim consciousness. To seperate from these was an untamed and unashamed surrender into the fire. It was worth it. "Did I just say that out loud?"

 

Hindsight is a beautiful thing.

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All the while, ( 2018-2024) the poem, Phoenix She Rises was building verse by verse. Not through me, through Her. She continued to guide me and give me the words and rhythm to meet my direct experience. 

 

In this unearthing of my sacred rage from the depths of the great Mother Earth herself, and the mother line, the medicine of the phoenix lovingly and fiercely and blatantly with complete lack of discretion showed herself symbolically. She transformed and transmuted, moving her way through every part of my being, renewing and restoring my vitality, re-storying my life with a deep feminine approach and restoring long forgotten feminine principles and remembrances of ancient wisdom streams. it was a soul-forging current of transformation, trial by fire, a burning off, reconnecting me to the deepest core wound of all – separation from the womb and separation from the umbilical cord of Her.

 

In this maturation process, surrendering to a coming alive of my sexuality and sovereignty was path to returning toward my Divinity. It's true what is said about initiations – what doesn’t destroy you will only make you stronger. The greatness of Sophia had been preparing me, reminding me, holding me to truth, accountability, transparency, vulnerability and authenticity. It was uncomfortable being this responsible to and for yourself. I was growing up without growing old. (although, fk somedays I seriously questioned my battered nervous systems capacity to hold all of this. It was a lot!!!). Her pulse became the life-blood on which I found new agency over coming into deeper residency with my body, mind and soul. I was coming into true communion with the essence of my true nature. I was returning Home.

 

The medicine of the Phoenix is death by love. A face off with the dark and the light. The crucifixion. The death. The resurrection. The renewal. The rebirth. It was all love. I was rising from the ashes in full flight.

 

 “You can’t turn back from here”, she said, again.

 

This time, instead of feeling trapped, I felt freedom. I felt liberation.

 

All of it, a necessary part of a dynamic energetic acceleration on the

path of purification to awakening. Developing the strength to come into full residency with personal power is indeed the greatest act of courage. Clarity, cognitive and embodied recognition of being biologically wired for connection, aligning with natural laws, defining and holding safe the thresholds of personal space for women, others and the world, often painstakenly requires deep discernment and even deeper listening—this is a true Homecoming. I was remembering and returning to self not from a place of exhaustion but from a place of being fully re-Sourced. I felt the peace that comes with clear boundaries, having agency over my own body and choices, and being able to stand in my Sacred Yes and my Holy No, my fucking, I don't know and my fucking, I know!  My power now restored from the purification, cultivation and sanctification of being, not doing - this was true peace.

 

Interestingly, I achieved more from this space than ever before as all the dross fell away. Through multiple acts of forgiveness, compassion and radical acceptance of self and other, and reflecting on the many rites of passage and the lack thereof from maiden, mother and maga (the previously un-named space between mother and crone), I feel supported moving toward eldership and crone. Establishing sovereignty is my devotional commitment to the deeper feminine, personally and collectively.

 

Living authentically to my true nature is a way of authoring my own reality and essential to the reclamation of my sacred purpose and how I am called to serve. 

 

If only we could all offer ourselves the time and space to slow down to remember who we are. These desires – my lifelong prayers for humanity.

 

And, So It Is. Mia Sophia - an extraordinary manifestation, incarnation and rebirthing, of a vibrational consciousness so graciously bestowed, orients me toward a deep bow to the Christed-one within. And, how beautiful she gave herself the name - MIA SOPHIA. The continuum since the expanded vibrational installation has required sacred partnerships, sacred recognition, sacred remembering and sacred community - a reconnecting with my longing to be part of a paradigm of people with an innate sense of sacredness to life and a yearning to create a different world. Transcending the chaos and transmuting our dysfunctional relationship to our seemingly catastrophic worldly creations is intrinsic to the way forward. It’s our responsibility to undo ‘what’s been done’ and remember we are One, And, We are many.

 

“KNOW THYSELF” has become a much-loved mantra.

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When I feel, I heal.

 

When I heal, the whole (hole) heals. 

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There is no gap.

 

Knowing self, understanding self, accepting self, forgiving self is healing self. It is all part of the remembering. Softening into the subtle, pausing, deep-deep listening, taking refuge when needed, alchemising, actioning from inspiration, allowing without attachment and opening to divine will has for me been an extraordinary path to a true and aligned approach to living. 

 

I honour and salute with reverent appreciation the many brothers and sisters whose heartfelt support is integral for me to tend the eternal flame and nurture the holy fire of this iteration of becoming. As priestess, bringer of the light, Holy wisdom, Mia Sophia - I gracefully bow to the river of blessings bestowed upon me. May we walk together making our own unique daring discoveries and expressions of our innate feminine wisdom and wildly audacious, creative, inner genius, claiming what we have always known and may we be willing to claim the presence of what is also unknown.

 

Great power is available in these times.

 

Are you ready to claim yours?

 

Here’s how you drink from the cup…

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Work with Angie.

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